Friendships & Loss...

With my unemployment, I've had a lot of time to reflect on my life, specifically my friendships.  I love PL and he is truly my best friend.  I would say the next person I'm closest to is my big sister, who lives in Vancouver right now.  The distance makes it hard though.  And as I think on my girl friends, I really don't have anyone else who even comes close to being a best friend.  I have three friends, M, E, and C, who are all good friends.  But none of them come close to being a best friend.  I think that we "spark" with members of both sexes.  I think there are people you meet who you just click with and you have a friendship or more (depending on your sexuality).  I had a spark with a coworker, S, and we were best friends for about 18 months.  We worked together, and hung out after work a lot, but never fought.  Then I went back to school and left the company we both worked for.  And she met a boy.  I went from seeing her daily to see her once every 3 or 4 months.  When I eventually called her on it, she gave me some lame excuse that she wanted to give me space while I was going to school, so I could focus on it.  And I realized that she had turned into one of those girls who get in new relationships and disappear.  She's engaged to this doofus now (I don't like him based on the fact that he's obviously not encouraging her to have a healthy life outside of their relationship) and even though I'm done school, we talk only by email about once a month.  I feel like I'm always being ditched by girlfriends.  My friends always seem to move on to better people, and I'm always left behind alone.  

Lately, I've felt that I'm becoming a 60-year-old hermit and I've really been wanting to go out.  My entire life I've been wanting to be further along than I actually am, for example, while in junior high I wanted to be in high school, when in high school I wanted to be in college, in college I wanted to be finished, and now that I'm finished, I just want to get married.  So instead of appreciating every part of my life, I'm constant trying to push myself forward, which is not necessarily a bad thing, but I'm worried that one day I'm going to reflect on my life and realize that I missed out on just having fun.  But unfortunately, I have no one in my life to do that with.  Out of the three women I mentioned before - M, E, and C - two are married and one just ended a relationship (and isn't really the partying kind of person).  I'm just scared that I'm going to look back on my 20's and wonder why I became such a reclusive bore!