Unsure and Tired Of It...

So my current big issue, the one I alluded to in my last post, concerns my relationship with PL.

My problem is a daily struggle with my brain and my heart. Some days, I can see my future with him so clearly. And some days, I see us ending.

My history with PL is this: We started dating when I was 18 and he was 21. He was my first everything: boyfriend, kiss, and…well, you know. We’ve had rough spots and been able to go through some of them, and twice we’ve broken up. We’ve been together for more than 5 years now, if you don’t subtract the few weeks of being broken up.

My problem with PL is this: When PL and I first kissed, I felt nothing. At the time, I honestly thought that was no big deal. But as I got older and “matured”, I came to realize that I was supposed to be feeling something. But by this point, I feel that I’ve connected with PL on such a deep level in other ways.

My giant dilemma is this: Do I sacrifice my relationship with PL because of the lack of physical reaction? Or do I stay in the relationship that satisfies me emotionally and not physically?

Overall, I’m starting to feel like I’ve met my #2 soul mate and that there is a #1 out there, but I don’t know if it’s worth it to leave my #2 for the possibility of a #1.

Does any of this make sense?

Am I just crazy or stupid for staying in the relationship this long?

This daily struggle of "should I-shouldn't I" is exhausting...