So my current big issue, the one I alluded to in my last post, concerns my relationship with PL.
My problem is a daily struggle with my brain and my heart. Some days, I can see my future with him so clearly. And some days, I see us ending.
My history with PL is this: We started dating when I was 18 and he was 21. He was my first everything: boyfriend, kiss, and…well, you know. We’ve had rough spots and been able to go through some of them, and twice we’ve broken up. We’ve been together for more than 5 years now, if you don’t subtract the few weeks of being broken up.
My problem with PL is this: When PL and I first kissed, I felt nothing. At the time, I honestly thought that was no big deal. But as I got older and “matured”, I came to realize that I was supposed to be feeling something. But by this point, I feel that I’ve connected with PL on such a deep level in other ways.
My giant dilemma is this: Do I sacrifice my relationship with PL because of the lack of physical reaction? Or do I stay in the relationship that satisfies me emotionally and not physically?
Overall, I’m starting to feel like I’ve met my #2 soul mate and that there is a #1 out there, but I don’t know if it’s worth it to leave my #2 for the possibility of a #1.
Does any of this make sense?
Am I just crazy or stupid for staying in the relationship this long?
This daily struggle of "should I-shouldn't I" is exhausting...
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1 comment:
Wow, I still can't get over how much we have in common! Trav and I were together for a couple of years when we had our first break up. He initiated. Long story short, we got past it. But then a year later, everything kinda hit me...is this the guy I want to marry? Because if it's not, what am I doing? I ended things with him (hardest thing I've ever done) and met someone else. That fizzled out quickly and I realized just how much I missed Trav and that he was in fact just perfect for me. And now we're getting married and just celebrated our six year anniversary on Sunday (not counting the breaks haha)! I dunno, I suppose sometimes as they say it takes losing something before you realize just what you had. I can't say I regret everything because it was a huge learning process for me. Do what your gut tells you...easier said than done, but that's what I did and I wouldn't change a thing.
Thanks about the blog comment...I decided I needed a change. Think I'll stick with it for awhile!
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